Robin Jarvis-Jax 02 Freax And Rejex Read online

  The old man opened his mouth to answer, but checked himself and forced an indulgent smile to his face.

  “Very well,” he relented. “This is, after all, meant to be a fun weekend. No one is going to compel you to do anything you don’t want to.”

  “Can I get that in writing?” Lee muttered.

  “Well, I’ll wear them,” Marcus said with a casual shrug. “They’re just like long johns. They don’t threaten my masculinity.”

  Lee shook his head at that. The fool was trying to wind him up. He tossed the outfit on the floor and walked off.

  Jangler watched him go then made some notes on his clipboard.

  “Now hurry up, everyone,” he addressed the others. “Take them away and get changed quickly. You’ve an exciting day ahead and lots to cram in. There’s a delightful surprise on its way right now.”

  “I’m not touching leather,” Jody protested. “I won’t put these here shoes on you’ve give me. I’ll stick to my trainers.”

  Jangler added a few more notes to his list.

  Maggie rolled her eyes. “Brown!” she exclaimed. “They’ve given me a big brown frock and a big brown cape. I’m going to look like a bloody Christmas pudding!”

  Charm was also disappointed in her outfit. She didn’t like drab colours. These were muddy reds and mustards and the fabric looked itchy. But she was determined to “sparkle and effervesce” at all times. Maybe she could add some touches of pink from her luggage.

  “When’s the Ismus gettin’ here?” she asked brightly.

  Her cheery grin faltered when Jangler informed her that the Holy Enchanter wasn’t going to make an appearance today. Neither were the Jacks and Jills.

  “What about the paps then?” she asked.

  “No, they’re not invited,” came the bleak reply. “I find them too distracting. We’re keeping it simple. No cameras, no reporters. I’m sure we’ll be able to focus on the words of Austerly Fellows much better for it.”

  “Yeah, lovely,” Charm said, her smile fading.

  Soon the chalets were noisy with children pulling on their new outfits. A tiring woman visited each of the three cabins where the girls were puzzling over where certain articles of underclothing went and how to lace themselves into the outer garments. Every girl under the age of ten had to wear a white cap called a coif, which was tied under the chin. They loved the full skirts and dainty leather shoes. Only Christina refused to get changed. Jody didn’t want her to get into trouble so, after much cajoling, managed to persuade her into the new clothes. But the little girl was adamant about retaining her trainers, as Jody had done.

  “Better for running,” Christina told her. “We should run away. It’s not safe here.”

  Lee lay on his bed, smoking his second cigarette of the morning. He tried to drown out the excited chatter of the boys below by listening to his iPod. But he could still hear their shrieks and shouts as they laughed at one another and flashes of harsh light bounced around the walls as they took photos with their phones.

  Spencer wondered if the tailors had got his measurements correct. His hose were extremely baggy and shapeless and, being grey, looked like very wrinkly elephant legs.

  Jim had taken his outfit into the toilet to change. No one thought anything of that. He had done the same the previous evening and they assumed he was shy of undressing in front of strangers. That wasn’t the reason. He emerged patting the front of his tan jerkin with a secretive smile. Then he donned the dark green cloak, which was part of the outfit, and flapped it experimentally behind him.

  “It’s a start,” he muttered to himself.

  Marcus had chosen to change downstairs, to avoid the cloud from Lee’s cigarette that fogged the mezzanine. He made loud objections that the codpiece wasn’t nearly big enough, then strutted around with his shirt unlaced and the tall, ‘sugar-sack’ felt hat positioned at a rakish angle on his head.

  “Romeo is in da house!” he proclaimed, grabbing his crotch and swaggering between the beds. “Watch out, damsels.”

  The other lads were glad when a commotion outside gave them an excuse to ignore him and hurry out.

  Two cabins along, after helping the younger boys get dressed, Alasdair was only just pulling on his new boots when he too heard the sound. At first it was like distant hail, clattering over rooftops. It grew steadily louder. Jumping up, he rushed out to see.

  “Oh, wow,” the boy murmured when he saw what was coming down the long approach road. “That’s amazing.”

  The road had become a river of bay and chestnut horses and ponies. At least fifty of them were trotting towards the camp. All of them were saddled up, but most were riderless. Here and there, on the flanks of that oncoming surge, men and women from the stables made sure they kept to the road and guided them through the gates.

  There were many riding centres scattered throughout the New Forest. The animals that came flooding into the camp that morning had come from four of the nearest. Leaving the long road behind them, they tossed their heads and broke out of the tight formation, to go cantering over the expansive lawn, flicking their ears and swishing their tails.

  By now every child had come out to see them. Even Lee stood in the doorway of the cabin and watched, blowing smoke from the corner of his mouth.

  “This is your surprise!” Jangler announced grandly. “Today we are going for a trek through the forest, just as we might if you were in the Realm of the Dawn Prince. Imagine we’re questing through the Western Wild Wood or Hunter’s Chase. It will bring you closer to the real world than ever.”

  “Have we got to?” Jody asked.

  “I recommend you do,” the old man told her. “Most emphatically.”

  “Did that sound like a threat to you?” the girl whispered to Maggie.

  “Babes, since I got found out, everything sounds like a threat. Now I just go where they point me and keep my gob shut… well, mostly.”

  Charm had accessorised her drab costume. A glittery pink scarf was tied loosely around her waist and a diamanté Alice band secured a plain linen headdress instead of the plaited woollen strap it had come with. Gucci sunglasses completed this unusual look. She was determined to stand out even if there weren’t any cameras present.

  Tommy Williams stood amazed, yet excited and fearful at the sight of the horses. They seemed enormous to him. Dressed as a page, his pale face was half hidden in a dark blue hood, whose tapering point dangled down past his knees. He looked more like one of Santa’s elves that had fallen on hard times than a medieval peasant. Similarly dressed, but in a dark red hood, Rupesh stood next to him. He too was afraid.

  “We are to climb up there?” the boy asked.

  “It’s only like a big donkey!” Tommy said.

  “We don’t have such things in Upton Park,” Rupesh said meekly.

  Few of the children had ever ridden before, but the stable staff were there to help. The smaller ones were hoisted on to patient ponies while the teenagers were helped into the stirrups of their mounts. The animals were well accustomed to novice riders and stood stock-still whilst these tricky manoeuvres took place. The girls were horrified to learn they were expected to ride side-saddle and watched a demonstration with open mouths.

  “To do otherwise would be unseemly,” Jangler told them. “Only menfolk sit astride.”

  “Stuff it,” Jody said. “I can’t do that. It don’t look safe.”

  “You’ll have to, young lady. The special saddles are already fitted and you cannot remain here alone. Riding is what this day is about.”

  The finality with which he said that made Jody, and any others who were thinking of refusing to get on their horses, realise they had no choice but to comply.

  “You got any nags with stabilisers?” Maggie asked uncertainly. “And with an HGV licence? I’m a wide load.”

  She was presented with a cob brought specially for her. After much persuasion, pushing and shoving, accompanied by panicky yells, she was heaved on to the saddle.

  �
��Don’t we get one of those cute black hard hats?” she asked. “What if we fall off? Cos you know, that’s more than likely. I’ve toppled off a pair of shoes with a one-inch heel before now, so…”

  A woman from the stables beamed up at her. “There’s none of that health and safety nonsense any more,” she said. “We couldn’t let your friend there ride wearing her trainers if there was. So no, no need for hats.”

  “Oh, brilliant,” Maggie mumbled. “So I just go ‘timberrrr’ and get concussion or brain damage?”

  “Only here,” the woman said breezily. “And it might be the very thing to wake you up in our true world. Perhaps you should all fall off and see?”

  “You should do stand-up – you’re a scream, you are.”

  Marcus got on to his horse without assistance and gripped the beast with his knees. His good eye gave Charm a wink charged with meaning.

  Spencer hesitated before mounting. A glorious idea popped into his head and he nipped back into the cabin for a moment. Alasdair wandered over to Lee.

  “You doing this?” he asked.

  Lee took one final drag and grunted. “Don’t think there’s an option B,” he said. “The old guy seems set. You ever see them dogs made to dance on talent shows? That’s us today. We is required to perform – but at least I won’t look like a prize dick while I’m doing it.”

  He eyed the green woollen cowl Alasdair was wearing. “You look like a refugee from a straight-to-DVD Robin Hood flick,” he scoffed.

  “That would be infinitely preferable,” the Scot replied. “At least then I’d be merry.”

  Eventually every young person was securely in the saddle. Even Jangler was perched on a grey pony. With the stables’ staff leading them in groups, the children filed through the gate.

  It was another warm, sunny day – far too warm for those woollen clothes and ludicrous hats and hoods. Lee was glad he was only in his trackie bottoms and black vest. As the horses passed up the long forest road, he glanced back at the compound. He had the feeling they were being purposely kept away from there today. A dozen possible reasons occurred, but he forgot about them when he saw one of the seamstresses leave the main block and walk to the supposedly empty chalet. With her notebook and tape measure in hand, she knocked on the door and was admitted.

  Lee put his earphones in and wondered about that.

  With such a large group of novice riders, progress was slow, but there was no hurry and they met no other traffic. The children quickly realised that all they had to do was stay on. The stables’ staff and the placid animals themselves did everything for them. Even the reins were just there for show. Once they understood this, the kids who had brought their phones and had already swapped numbers started texting one another. They had discovered first thing that morning the signal had been restored. No one cared where they were headed. It was such a refreshing change from what they were used to and if they had to pretend to be interested in that book, so what? This was great.

  If Jangler was irritated by the constant beeping of the mobiles, he didn’t show it. He was engrossed in his copy of Dancing Jax and, even in the saddle, was rocking backwards and forwards.

  They hadn’t gone far when Spencer brought out the item he had been hiding under his cloak. He took a nervous breath then put it on his head.

  “Ha! Herr Spenzer!” Marcus hooted. “Who do you think you are? Clint Eastwood?”

  “Nope,” the boy answered with a drawl as he tilted the Stetson back with one finger. “I’m Yul Brynner.”

  Wearing his cowboy hat with pride and a great big grin, Spencer inserted his earphones and the rousing theme to The Magnificent Seven began. The sun was beating down, he was on a horse and, when he closed his eyes, everyone else disappeared and he was transported into another life – one a thousand miles away from Mooncaster and the misery that book had brought. The only thing that would have put this into ‘beyond perfect’ territory would have been a gun slung round his hips.

  Marcus was more than happy to be riding almost parallel to Charm and spent most of the morning trying to chat her up. He may as well have been talking to an iceberg in sunglasses.

  “How about kissing my bruises better?” he eventually asked in desperation.

  For everyone else the hours passed pleasantly. They left the main road far behind and rode through woodland and over heaths. The only blights on that picturesque landscape were the choking thickets of minchet that had taken hold in places, strangling trees and fouling the air with the stink of decay.

  After a while, it seemed as if they really had magically crossed into the medieval countryside of Dancing Jax. The only other creatures they saw were wild ponies and once a small herd of fallow deer ran shyly into distant trees.

  The hours slipped by. After several unscheduled stops for toilet breaks behind bushes, midday had come and gone. Grumbling requests for drinks and general complaints about numb bottoms had already started. And then, finally, they saw a thread of smoke rising into the clean blue sky beyond the next range of trees. Drawing closer, they heard a flute playing and the path led to a sunlit clearing, crowded with pavilion tents striped in scarlet and black. Many people dressed as serfs were bustling about. Two large fires were burning and over each was a spit where a pig and a lamb were being roasted.

  “Gross,” Jody uttered.

  “Welcome, welcome!” a woman cried. “Gracious me, we thought you’d never get here. All is prepared and awaiting your pleasure.”

  Jangler dismounted, rather stiffly.

  “Here is our picnic,” he declared. “I’m sure you’ve worked up a keen appetite. Let us see what Mistress Slab has cooked up for us.”

  With legs ever so slightly bowed, he ambled over to the first of three trestle tables that were laden with appetising dishes.

  Maggie gazed at the spread appreciatively. “All you guys do is eat!” she laughed. “I think I’ve died and gone to heaven. Get me down off this thing. My stomach’s making Jurassic Park noises.”

  Everyone was glad to get out of the saddle and stretch their legs, especially the girls. Their backs and shoulders were aching badly from hunching sideways for so long. Nobody realised just how hungry they were and they swarmed round the tables like flies. The roast pork and lamb were cooked to perfection but, before the greedy carnivores could tuck in, they had to endure yet another communal reading.

  A short while later Lee and Alasdair were eating their lunch on the grass beside one of the tents.

  “You really knock that stuff back, huh?” Lee observed as the Scot embarked on his second goblet of wine.

  “Thirsty work, being on a horse. S’all right for you in your vest. I’ve sweated pints in these clothes.”

  “And there was me blaming them animals for that smell.”

  “Did you clock that lad in the cowboy hat? I dinnae think old Mainwaring was impressed.”

  “The kid’s got style. Anything that gives them the finger gets a thumbs-up from me.”

  Alasdair wiped his mouth and looked over at the others. “What do you make of the new lass?” he asked. “Does she no seem a bit fake to you?”

  “I don’t trust no one who buys into that damn book,” Lee said. “Or even pretends to.”

  A shadow fell across their faces and they looked up to see Charm almost upon them, the hem of her skirt held daintily in one hand, grapes and a pear in the other.

  “Can I sit ’ere wiv you?” she asked. “That Marcus is doing my nut in. He won’t leave me alone. I ain’t interested. Is he fick or summink? My Uncle Frank had a Yorkie like him – that’s a dog not a bar of chocolate. Always yapping and, whenever it saw me, it’d hump my Uggs. That lad’s just the same. If I’m near you, he might leave me alone for five minutes. You don’t mind, do you?”

  She knelt on the ground before they could answer and launched into her usual introduction.

  “… an’ I fizz and sparkle, like space dust,” she concluded with a flash of perfect teeth.

  Alasdair took anoth
er gulp.

  “What part of London you from?” Lee asked. “Or is it Essex?”

  The girl gave a squawk of delight and clapped her hands. “Is that what you fink? Oh, that is well wicked. I ain’t from down south at all. No, I’m from Bolton, Lancashire, innit.”

  “Say what?”

  “But the accent?” Alasdair said.

  “Voice coachin’ from since I were nine and a half!” she declared proudly. “My idea that was, not Uncle Frank’s – he’s my manager, not my real uncle, but he’s me ma’s bloke so I call him that. So, the accent, I’m media savvy, see – even when I was a little kid I knew. The Americans, bless ’em, can’t understand a northern accent. Look at whasserface, poor cow. I wasn’t going to have that happen to me. I’ll be over there some day wiv my own show and stuff. That was The Plan anyway, before this Mooncaster fing started.”

  “Is you for real?”

  “Oh, yes – I’ve not had Botox nor nofink yet. Only me tan’s fake – how did people manage before you could spray it on? You an’ me should talk more. I could learn a lot from a proper London geezer. If you fink any of what comes out my mouth don’t sound right, you tell me, yeah?”

  Whilst Lee searched for a reply, Alasdair turned aside to hide his smirk.

  “So, why ain’t you dressed up like the rest of us?” she asked Lee. “You’re spoiling the ensembleness. What if there was cameras here? You’d stand out and look well wrong.”

  “You think?”

  The way he said that made Alasdair glance at him curiously. There was a barely veiled, growling anger in those two simple words. The Scottish boy wondered why.

  “Nothing more important than the look,” she blundered on. “It’s all about the brand, innit? You’re ruining the… what’s the word? Intergritty of the brand, you are.”

  A crease appeared on Lee’s forehead and he clamped his lips tight shut.

  “Is anyone else’s bum sore?” a voice interrupted. “My cheeks are raging like I’ve got toothache down there! I’ve got pains in muscles I thought had packed up and moved out years ago.”